Nefarico™ manufactures the greatest luxury soap products that the world has ever known. When you think of cleanliness, I mean, real fine cleanliness, what you’re really thinking of is Nefarico™. Should we ever go out of business, the world will never know cleanliness in the same way. Never. A very narrow definition of purity will be lost forever. And won’t we all be sorry then? Good god, go buy some Nefarico™ soap products right now!
You need Nefarico™.
Face it; we exist because you’re filthy. Disgustingly filthy. The crevices of your skin are filled with dirt, bacteria, and other unspeakables. Some like to think that the body is a temple. Don't fool yourself. At 37° C, your stinking, sweaty, oily body is a germ factory, daily producing thousands upon thousands of terrifying microorganisms that feast upon your soiled carriage. And it’s no wonder. In the grand scheme of things, you’ve barely crawled out of the primordial sludge. Shame on you, you leaking bag of fluid.
And the sad thing is, even when you wash with Nefarico™ soap products, your cleanliness is but a temporary state. The moment you step from the bath, you’re already returning to your degenerative state of muck and grime. Washing with Nefarico™ products is but all you can do to beat back the raging pathogens.
Nefarico™ products are made by a ghastly squad of rogues and scoundrels. Why, you might be asking yourself right now, would we employ the dregs of society to manufacture products so pure, so clean, so untouchably perfect? I will be frank with you. Soap is made from boiling down animal fat and bone. It’s a grisly process that involves highly dangerous and caustic chemicals like lye. These chemicals often splash and routinely burn or disfigure our employees. But don’t feel bad; the rural simpletons we employ are happy to have the work! They are grateful for the paltry wages we provide so that they can feed and clothe their appallingly unattractive families. Please don’t think of them as you wash yourself with our products. They will sully your mind.
Scrub all you want with other soap products, but you’ll never get Nefarico™ clean. You see, other soaps are a joke. A big fucking joke. You might as well wash with mud. Like pigs do.